


I Just Want To Love You In My Own Language

by Louffox



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Arguments, Bingo- First Time (in love), Comfort, Cute, Fluffy, M/M, No Timeline Just Soft, Pre-Established Relationship, Slice of Life, no beta we die like men, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louffox/pseuds/Louffox
Summary: Zolf and Oscar discuss the minutia of expressing love.
Relationships: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51
Collections: A Wilde Drabble Bingo





	I Just Want To Love You In My Own Language

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 3WW by alt-J
> 
> For the "First Time/Last Time" square-

He knew it was bothering Oscar, but he couldn't stop it for the life of him.

In the morning, he woke up first. Though Oscar was the one with the sleep issues (or history of sleep issues that then had become sleep trauma), Zolf still was up first. He'd always been up with the sun, a life of hard work and labor and living his work having ingrained the habit. Oscar stayed up late and woke up a lot, but he slept in just fine, which gave Zolf plenty of time to make coffee and breakfast. This was rapidly becoming their ritual, since Oscar had asked Zolf to move in with him two weeks ago. Zolf got up early, and Oscar got up late, and found breakfast made and waiting for him.

Zolf also liked making dinner. And lunch. He did the washing for them both, as he complained Oscar didn't do it right. He cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Reminded Oscar to stretch. Brought him tea when he was working. Pastries. Rubbed his shoulders at night. Tidied his desk.

“Zolf, I am perfectly capable of picking up after myself,” Oscar snapped one day, when he came into his office to find Zolf sweeping. “You’re not my mother or my housemaid. You’re my fiance.” His whole face was a frown, with tired eyes and dark circles. It had been a late night, for no reason other than plain and simple insomnia. Inexplicable and infuriating, and that fury just made him more wakeful until he couldn’t even lie still and try to sleep anymore, he had to get up and pace around, and Zolf had gotten up and started a fire and made them both tea, despite Oscar insisting that he get some sleep, so at least someone would be rested. And then Zolf had been doting on him all day, rewarming his breakfast after he overslept as a consequence, baking his favorite raisin cinnamon bread, washing their bedsheets, and now he'd cleaned Oscar's office when he'd been doing his usual inventory checks.

"I know," Zolf said easily, smiling at him.

Oscar seethed. "I- I don't- is that all you have to say?"

Zolf shrugged. "I'm well aware of what I am to you. I don't want to treat you like a child or a house lord or whatever either."

"Then why don't you leave it? I can clean my own office," he huffed. "I can cook my own food. I don't need taking care of."

"I know."

At this, Oscar threw his hands up and turned to walk out. Zolf winced, aware of his shortcomings with communication, and caught his shoulder before he could go. Oscar stopped, but didn't turn around.

"Please reason with me. Or just stop," he said in a quiet voice.

"I… I can stop, if it really bothers you."

"It doesn't bother  _ you _ ? Tending to my needs, cleaning, cooking, giving gifts and not getting anything back, doing menial tasks, acting like I can't take care of myself." The bard turned, his face twisted with confusion and shame. "I don't need you to do all this. I love you, and I don't expect anything from you-"

"I know you don't need this. But I… er. I- I do."

Oscar blinked. "What?"

Zolf sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Look. I didn't mean to make it a weird power thing, or to put any weird imbalances or nothing in our relationship. I love you. And this is… its just… the way that all works. For me." Oscar's face was still bemused and uncomprehending, so he tried again. "I… I love you. And this is how that comes through."

"Oh. Okay. But…"

"I don't expect anything back. I don't want you to try and match this or even it out or whatever. Because it's already even. You show you love me in your ways, and I show you I love you in my ways. They're different, but they're equal."

The bard nodded slowly. "I… alright. Okay. I understand. I will probably still need a bit of a grace period to get used to this, because it feels strange, but if it makes you happy-"

"It does that, yes-"

"-then I'm okay with it."

"You- I- if you want me to stop, I can."

"No, it's fine. Just knowing why makes it tolerable. Enjoyable, even. I'm okay with it, and I don't want to mute your expression of love, even if it is a bit odd." He smirked. "Has this always been your role in love, or is this something Harrison Cambell convinced you of?"

Zolf gave him a prod with the broom. "No! This isn't something I'm doing cos I learned it from a book. I've always… er…" he trailed off, tapping his fingers thoughtfully on the broom handle. "Huh. I guess… I mean, I knew, but I didn't really think about it. I… I've never been in this before."

"What, engaged? I knew that."

"No- I mean, yeah, but I meant- I've never been in love like this before. I've been in love with people, but never had it last like this, or go so deeply, or been reciprocated." Huh. Zolf wondered what he'd been doing his whole life. It feels like he must have, he had to have had a love before and just wasn't remembering, because it all feels so comfortable and familiar. All the motions of love seemed ordinary and normal. Like he'd been here before, been doing this for years.

"Maybe you're just a natural," Oscar said breezily, stepping forward to catch his chin and brush a kiss to his forehead.

"I really can't think of another time I've ever been in love before," Zolf said, a bit grumpy, frustrated and perplexed by his lack of recall or lack of dating history.

"Ah, to experience love for the first time," Oscar said in a dramatic voice. "A riveting story of lovers-" he broke off with a laugh as Zolf gave him another hard poke with the broom.

"Books have it all wrong. Its awkward. Figuring shit out. Learning. Making screwups. Miscommunications. I'd just as soon skip to the part where we're old men who're old hat at loving each other."

Oscar was giving him a lopsided smile, an odd expression in his eyes.

"What? That weird to you?" Zolf asked, suddenly stuck by a sense of self consciousness, something he usually was unbothered by. It made him feel exposed and defensive.

"No. A new perspective, but not bad. I hope you'll forgive my behavior and willingness to submit to tropes, as I quite enjoy new romance. But I suspect I'll be able to appreciate being old as well so long as it's being old with you."

Zolf gave him a flat stare. "I can't believe you just said that. 'Getting old with you'. That's horrible and corny."

"Don't act like you're not a romantic, I've seen your bookshelf," Oscar said with a smile, stepping forward to press a kiss to his forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> -though in retrospect I'm wondering if we meant First Time/Last Time as in BOTH in the same fic and this wasn't quiiiiite written like that, but I suppose if you think about it then it's also the last time- the last time Zolf falls in love, I guess. Cos he and Wilde are TOGETHER FOREVER don't fight me on this (unless you wanna add Grizzop, then I suppose he'll fall in love again so it's not the last time...)


End file.
